"You want to make comments about choosing your child's birthday over the funeral of your dead niece well then I have no choice but to chose my dead baby over you.. As far as I’m concerned you're dead to me.... When Micah died you died right along with her"
Upsetting, as it may be this is part of an email I sent to my sister recently. In the beginning I had decided to just remain silent with regards to my sister. To try and push past some of the grief before dealing with her. It was working out pretty well until a friend of mine (Tiny) happened to speak to her over MSN mess and she (my sis) mentioned that I wasn't speaking to her and that she knows the reason is because she didn't make it to the funeral but she had stuff to do.. It was her daughter's birthday and (I quote) 'She chose her daughter'.
I'll be honest.. If the shoes were on the other foot I would have moved mountains to be with my sister..If I didn't have the money, I would have borrowed it. If I didn't have a ride, I would have taken the bus or train.. The point is there would be no way in hell I would not have been by her side the day she buried her child...NO WAY! I'm not just upset over the fact that she didn't make it, I’m upset that she didn't even keep in contact with me. She called the night I left the hospital not to see how I was doing but to tell me when ever I do plan on having the funeral she wouldn't be there...That was it. She didn't even call the night I buried Micah ..And I honestly thought she would .. I was curled up on the couch that night with the phone tucked under me and she never called
Anyways after hearing that comment I went home feeling downhearted and angry .. I couldn't wait to sit down at my computer and tell her exactly how I feel about her... I can't pretend anymore that I don't absolutely hate her right now.. I mean how dare she make a comment like that?? The reality is she turned her back on Micah and I'll never forget that...I'll never forget that at a time when I needed her most she turned her back on 'us'. Right now I can't see myself holding a conversation or being able to look her in the eyes.
To forgive her would be letting Micah down .. Allowing someone to treat my child like that who didn't even get a chance to live life.... She's choosing her child and as Micah's mommy I choose Micah...forever.. And I don't feel anyways about it.. Fu&k Her!!
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12 comments:
How come it's at these awful times we find out people's true colours?
I am constantly disappointed in people and I just can't believe that people don't act in the way I expect. The way I know I would.
I am so sorry you have been let down so completely by your sister. I don't blame you one bit for writing that email. I wish I had the guts to write to some people who deserve it in my life.
I'm hoping that maybe she can redeem herself in some way after receiving your email. I don't know how, crawling over hot coals, but I hope it makes her sit up and think.
I really am sorry Rosalind, as if this all isn't hard enough.
hugs x x x x
I sometimes wonder if I am the one who's f*cked up having unrealistic expectations of the way people should respond to my son's death. I can't help but feel most people have SHIT THE BED absolutely in supporting me and in acknowlegding him. Good for you for standing up to your sister and her blatant insensitivity. I hope she is able to see how she was so very wrong in this decision. So sorry, Rosalind, that you have to be the brunt of this thoughtlessness in the wake of your grief and to have it carried out by a family member - your sister! - is all the more heartbreaking, indeed.
XO.
Oh Rosalind, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you now, especially now when you need your family. Like the other ladies, I'm constantly shocked at how some people act. Almost as soon as Seth died the chaplin told me that some people won't respond in a way that I feel appropriate and to try to remember that they just don't know how to deal with the death of my baby. Basically that it's there problem and to not take it personally. But why do they get a free pass for their bad behavior? I'm with you! They need to be held responsible for their actions or inactions (is that a word?).
I hope that she will someday soon understand the added pain she caused at such a horrible time her sisters life.
Hugs!
Jen
I am so sorry your sister is so heartless and cruel.
Your sister truly does sound heartless. Did she even respond to your email at all?
It's probably not much of a comfort for you to know that other people's families have responded in an equally callous way. Sadly, I've learned that, horrible and unfair as it is, people just don't seem to care all that much.
Thank you so much for the needed words of support.. It's nice to have people on my side for a change who truly understand what i'm going through and don't make me feel like i'm being completely irrational
Wow, just wow. I can't believe that someone would say that, let alone your sister. I don't blame you at all for being angry.
:(
God Rosalind,
I can not even begin to imagine what the eff your sister was thinking. To abandon you the way she did, I don't even have words. There is just no excuse, no explanation that would ever make up for the pain that she caused you.
You were absolutely right to call her on it. Shame on her.
I totally understand your reaction and I think you did the right thing.
i am thinking more that it's not just that people are fucking us over at such a critical time, but they've ALWAYS fucked us over. it's like we don't have the energy anymore to make subconscious excuses for them in our heads anymore; we are seeing them more clearly. and we're so damn angry in general, that we take the opportunity to stand up for ourselves.
i had to dump my mother as well. really, we barely have the energy for ourselves.
Oh Rosalind, I am just so sorry to read that. It never ceases to amaze me the way some people behave, particularly those you *think* you can count on.
I know it's been a few days since you posted this, and I'm really curious to know how your sister reacted, if at all.
((Hugs))
She choose not to respond at all which I expected .. i mean after all this what could she possibly say, right?
She may have mentioned something to my dad because he recently felt he needed to give me a talking to about sisterly love and life being to short blah blah blah
He meant well and I know it's hard to see his two daughters not speaking but I held my ground..I just don't feel like being the forgiving one...I'm not going to be the forgiving one..Not this time
Thanks so much for your input.. Thanks to everyone...your comments have been a factor in me holding my ground along with the obvious
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