I finally had a minor melt down today...
Just to give you some background... at the hospital after having Micah CN and I had decided to do all the tests we could to get answers as to why our daughter died. We were told in 6 weeks we would have the results from the placenta and we most likely wouldn't get the autopsy results until February. So of course by mid November I started leaving messages with my OB's assistant to call me about the results ...
I remember the first few messages I left were pretty vague... I didn't use words like 'Stillborn' or 'Placenta' or 'Dead'... It was like it was my dirty little secret. I told them my name and when I had the baby and that I was awaiting some very serious results that were done on her...It was enough info that should have raised a flag..I mean for all they knew I was talking about some serous results for a live baby or pregnancy...Anyways in all I left about 5 messages. 5 messages over 5 weeks of sleeplessness, anxiety and anger of not only getting closer to finding out how my baby died but also the fact that I wasn't hearing anything back ... I mean what kind of professional OB doesn't get back to a mother about her dead baby ??? What is this world coming to when I have to fight to get answers about my dead child?? I had even told my family Dr about it and she was leaving messages as well....Nothing
So today I called and of course got the answering machine... and I left a message only this time I laid it all out... this time I got the words out...this time I said words like Stillborn and Placenta and dead. I also added how many times I and my Dr had called and that I was DONE waiting and if I didn't hear back from them before the end of the day I would be there first thing in the morning to demand the results ...
Guess what?? I have an appointment on January 29th @ 2:45....Bastards!!
PS-I secretly wish I didn't get the call ... Maybe it would have felt nice to get angry and feel within my right to do so... Maybe I would have felt like I was being a real Mother to Micah .. go in there and make demands that they couldn't ignore.. NOBODY ignores my kids..dead or alive
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4 comments:
Good for you, Rosalind, for standing up for yourself and Micah. I would feel anxious too...
i would way rather be angry and serve up some shit, too. soulmate friend said i need to take martial arts classes or something.
actually doing something angry related to dead baby? that would be great. hey, you can still go in there pissed off. 5 messages over 5 weeks is unacceptable.
honestly, shame on me for working you up. but damnit, i don't know...i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. someone is in for it.
I don't blame you one bit for being angry. Is it horrible to say that your experience makes me feel a little tiny better? I had a very similar lack of response despite my many phone calls with questions after my twins' deaths.
While their behavior is soo unacceptable, at least this shows that it's not just me who receives such bad treatment from my hospital.
I remember those feelings, Rosalind. The appointment was today, so I'll be scrolling up further to look for an update.
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