-I miss being me...confident me...Happy me
-I am tired of 'grasping at straws' trying to find something to do with my days to keep from slipping ... I having a hard time keeping my head above water
-Why did this happen to me and I walk by what feels like 100 buggies a day with women who got to keep their baby??
-Why did I have to bury MY baby??
-I'm tired of everyone telling me how strong I am... I'm not strong i'm a woman with NO options
-How come my OB hasn't called me since this happened?? just to check in and see how the only patient that this has ever happened to under her supervision is doing (her words)..That's right!! I'm the first
-Why hasn't the world stopped when everything in me is dead??
-How could the hospital send me a threatening letter for the cost of my 'private room'..(hospital policy is no charge for compassionate care) How compassionate....
-I'm really scared to find out the results of my baby's autopsy for fear this is my fault or I find out that there was something very simple i could have done and my world would be completely different now.. Me and Micah would be together.. In love with each other
-What do I do with all Micah's baby stuff?? her bassinett, baby tub, pacifier, ducky towel, stuffed monkey etc....
I know this is a confusion read... my mind is so full I think it's going to explode ..i'm from one thought to the other.. there's no making sense of it except to say: I miss my baby
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9 comments:
Yes, yes and yes to all of your post.
I missed me for a long time, I'm still not completely me, but I'm returning.
Filling time is really hard, I didn't want to do anything anyway it all seemed pointless. So pointless.
Pregnant women are everywhere and everyone except me seems to have their baby. That doesn't seem to change.
I'm tired of people telling me I'm strong too, I tell them really you don't have any choice, its default not choice, like you say no options.
I was so, so frightened about the autopsy results. It seemed to take forever and for us didn't answer anything. Be strong, it's hard but none of this was your fault.
I donated all Jacob's baby clothes to the special care baby unit, I also gave away all the furniture to the community furniture centre, they lend things to people who have nothing. I found comfort that they were being used by people who needed them. I kept things that meant something to me and I've saved them in his memory box.
Just keep going, it's so hard all of this. It will get better (I hate saying that it's obviously never going to be better but I hope you know what I mean).
((((HUGS))))
C
you are braver than i; we declined the autopsy and my secret reason was that i didn't want evidence that it was my fault.
i'm not sure i don't want to know, but it's too late.
the rest of it? we go around trying to hold it all together, or we are totally numb and senseless...either way, everyone sees it as, "wow, she's doing really well." inside, we are the biggest freaks to walk the earth. but one thing is for sure, everybody loves a big fat lie.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry.
"What do I do with all Micah's baby stuff?? her bassinett, baby tub, pacifier, ducky towel, stuffed monkey etc...."
Cherish these things....cherish and spend time with Micah's baby things. You will be glad that you spent time with these remembrances of your girl. We have kept everything that was our Birdie's...her co-sleeper is still by the bed, full of her things. Her photos decorate our home..she is everywhere always.
I'm so sorry for you loss.
It breaks my heart that this keeps happening. And now you've lost your precious Micah.
*hugs*
As for what to do with the things, you have time....all the time in the world..
Thank you so much for the helpful comments
I am also very sorry. Your post described my feelings so accurately; we have different stories but they are remarkably, sadly, the same. I'm sorry you have to be going through this. I am sorry you lost Micah.
Hi Rosalind,
Just thought I'd stop by and see if you're doing OK. Hope you are.
C x
I am surviving.. thanks for checking in.. It means a lot to me.
I hope you're doing well
I'm so sorry for your loss of Micah.
I miss my baby, too, and I expect I will every day.
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