I miss my monkey

It's been 6 wks and 4dys since I finally had the chance to meet the little monkey who had been creating havoc in my belly for 38wks and 2dys... Micah was stillborn on October 1, 2007, a week and 5dys before her due date. She weighed 6'11, 17inchs long.. she had a full head of black hair and she had my mouth and CN's (her father) forehead. It's weird how you can be happy and sad at the same time... We didn't even know the sex before she was born.. Through the pregnancy I had always referred to her as my monkey... We had both been secretly hoping for a girl. It was bittersweet when they announced that she was a girl... I knew it...I felt it...

But what the hell do I do now?? Where do I go from here?? The weight that is constantly sitting on my heart makes it hard to breath let alone get up every morning and attempt to go on with my days. She had so many friends and family who were sitting on the edge of their seats awaiting her arrival and it's not fair that she didn't get to experience that love.. It's not fair that she didn't get to meet her brother and sister who were so excited to meet and love her... It's not fair that she didn't get to see me... I miss my Monkey