So I had to have the unwanted conversation with the kids about Waverly. I tried to make it as simple and non-detailed as possible ...
Responses:
UB(9)- 'Not again! first our baby now her baby'..
AB(12)- 'Mommy are you sure you may want to do this again??' ( I haven't said a word about TTC to her)
Going back over their responses and their behaviours over the last year it just really sucks that they had to be subjected to this not once but twice..It's a wonder my daughter will ever trust her body to pregnancy and to be honest it may not be over for them. It's awful that their innocence has been ripped from them .. It just breaks my heart that this is what their experience will be and will always be a part of them ... On the other hand maybe it's a good thing that they are aware that this doesn't only happen to other people and can happen to them. Then maybe they won't be entirely caught off guard when the wind is knocked out of them and their worlds completely torn apart...Who am I trying to fool?? There is no preparing them for this..
My children may never be able to live in the same naive world that was mine before late September of last year and at the same time not be any more prepared then I was because this isn't suppose to happen and is again completely unnatural...
As for my dear friend..She has been released from the hospital and wants no contact, no flowers and no cards...Her daughter is gone and there's absolutely nothing I can do for her..I have walked this road before ..well, we all have... and I still feel completely helpless...
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5 comments:
Rosalind,
I am so sorry for you, for your friend, for your children. I wish there were something we all could do but sometimes, respecting wishes is all we can do. It's what we know...give her the space she requests and make sure she knows later that you are always there for her and that we are all always here. Much love to you. I'm sending you hugs and please know you are all in my thoughts.
I am so sorry for your friend Rosalind. My heart just breaks thinking about it, knowing the pain that they feel. You are all in my thoughts.
I remember the isolation well. She is 'lucky' (I hate to use that word in any way connected to thetragedy of dead babies) that you are here to help her, to really empathize and to walk the journey with her.
I know I told people I didn't want to talk but really I didn't want anyone to see me in this overwhelming pain. Maybe she will let you in b/c you won't seem like a gawker.
My friend who continued to call, everyday, despite my ignoring her, really ended up making a difference to me. She kept the gap from opening to wide between us and she reminded me that there were other things we could talk about and that she would only talk about Caleb if I wanted to.
I hope in the days ahead your friend will let you in and that you can grieve together for both of your babies.
Your kids, I know that pain too. It is what I hate most after the loss, the loss of innocence, the fact that I couldn't shield them from this nightmare.
It just sucks all the way around doesn't it?
I am so sorry Rosalind.
xxoo
Rosalind,
I've just been catching up on your posts and I am so shocked and heartbroken for you and your friend. I guess now I start to feel slightly more sympathetic to my non-deadbaby friends who had no idea what to say to us. Having walked this path I like you still struggle to know what to say or do to someone suffering as we have. I'm sorry just seems nowhere near enough.
I agree with Kal though, I think you can be there for her in a way no one else can.
Holding you and your friend in my heart. Just too sad. I'm so sorry.
I'm thinking about your friend and remembering vividly how I didn't want any contact from anyone, how I just wanted to be alone with my grief. It's so heartbreaking that this just keeps happening again and again.
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