Lately I have been feeling like i'm constantly on the verge of breaking down. Any little thing has me ready to go off.. If I miss the bus I want to lose it, if i'm waiting too long for the bus i'm on the verge of tears, If someone accidently touches me or pushes me when i'm grocery shopping I want to take their head off. I even find when I have company and they leave I have a crying session.
Everyone thinks I am so strong but i'm not.. they think i'm handling it well, if only they knew how many times a day I'm thinking how much I don't want to do this anymore.. I just want to curl up in a ball go to sleep and not EVER wake up.
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It's so hard being so sensitive to everything. Somedays it all just hurts too much. I also think that the more normal things we have to do the harder it gets, and inevitably the more we need to cry to just release it afterwards.
I don't know if it helps but I used to think a lot about not wanting to wake up, not wanting to do this anymore, actually it's all I used to think. Some days I still don't want to do it, but those days have got a lot less, hang in there.
People use the word 'strong' too often, it's not like we have any choice but to get up and carry on.
(((HUGS))) x x
I would love to not wake up, to not have to deal with the grief for just one day. Or at least wake up and have it be the past. What a wonderful gift that would be.
I hate that word: strong. You're so strong. Be strong. This will make you stronger. I don't want to be strong! I just want my baby back! It makes me so mad. Or I just want to cry.
Those are the only 2 emotions I really feel right now.
Hugs, Rosalind.
I will get better....you will find a way to weave your child into your life. *hugs*
All we can do is try each day..
Oh sweetie how I know that feeling all too well. I remember the first month or so after Birdie died...me and Matt did not even get out of bed till the middle of the day, 1 or 2 in the afternoon.
I think that if you feel like this some days that is fine. You just need to do what feels right at the moment...
Things will not always feel this way, things will start to transform...your grief will ebb and flow....all you and we can do is ride it's waves.
Sending you much love...sincere supportive love.
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