over the past year I have been reading everyone feelings, fears and tribulations of trying again. Some reaching their goals of a screaming bundle while others are still awaiting their goal along with me.. I've always been frightened of all outcomes well, except the screaming bundle outcome.. Everytime i see a pregnant woman my only thoughts recently have been how brave she is and what a coward i have become...
That dark place that I was taken to the day Micah left me is a place i didn't know i would ever come out of or ever really recover from ... I have two living children and the only place i could imagine any peace was where ever Micah was ... No life and dead to everyone ..It's a scary place to be.. and i'm terrified of the mere thought of going back
Imagine now how terrified i was when I stood in my work washroom yesterday with a positvie 'First Response' pregnancy test in my hand ..
Just for the record we have not been trying but we haven't been the best at the not trying either and i guess after 1 year and 2months..well..you know
Now it's a haze..i'm experiencing so many feelings right now there's no way I can put it into words ... Am I happy? Yes..Am I scared out of my mind??Absolutely along with every other feeling in between ...
I have read some really touching post recently of happy endings and i must say it's given me some hope to hang on to ... 1 year and 2 months ago my body betrayed in ways i don't think i will ever forgive it for and now here's the chance for it to make a huge part of it up to me...
Doctors appointment is set for tomorrow ...here I go
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10 comments:
YAY!!!! I'll ride right along with you, in spirit. Keeping it all crossed for you and YOUR happy ending.
xxoo
OMG!!!!! I read this bleary eyed this morning when I woke up. I'm so happy for you Rosalind, such good news - amazingly scary news but good all the same.
We'll be here to walk this new path with you hon. Congratulations to you both, I'm doing a little jig for you. K x x x x
WOw, that's great news. And scary. Good luck today! And you will find plenty of support out here!
Wow is right! Wonderful news, R. Wishing you only good things. Good luck at the appt. today. XO.
OMG! See what happens when I stay away? I'm excited and I'm sure you are as well. Hoping against all odds for you.
I am thrilled for you and will be keeping up with the blog.
Thinking good happy thoughts for you and yours! Will be here to help you through those rough parts!
Rosalind, such fantastic news! I am so happy to read it. :) I hope the first appointment went well. <3
Oh wow...Yes its wonderful and very scary news but we are all here with you...watching and holding your hand. Best of luck at the docs and keep up posted. x
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes...xoxo
I hope the holidays are being kind to you all..
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